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Ben: (listening to Tess tell about the unwanted advances from her colleague) Doesn't seem too smart to turn that down for cold pizza and bubbles.

Tess: More fool me for refusing an evening with the handsome, successful, and excruciatingly boring Dr. Fuller.

Ben: More your type.

Tess: Boring's more my type? Thank you very much.

Ben: I mean the doctor, the three-piece suits, the Gold American Express Card.

Tess: I see. You don't have a gold card?

Ben: I'm lucky Sears still lets me charge my underwear.

Tess: Well, in that case, I don't know if I should invite you into my tub.

Tess: Are you trying to convince me that you're not good enough for me because of cultural, educational, and genealogical differences?

Ben: Don't start that s**t with me.

Tess: All right. Let's try another approach. (Tess pulls Ben into the bathtub with her)

Ben: What the hell are you doing? I'm still dressed.

Tess: I can't help it if you're slow.

Ben: (after just having his arm cut by a suspect) Just call someone in to clean up this mess, and get me to the hospital.

Ed: Didn't hit an artery or you'd be gushing out A positive.

Ben: Oh, that's okay then. How about a round of golf?

Ed: You better start looking at what's in front of your face, partner, before you end up tripping over the saw.

Ben: Saw? What saw?

Ed: Farmer's sawing wood, city slicker's watching him. Dinner bell rings and the farmer starts moving but he trips over the saw. He just picks himself up and starts cutting wood again. Slicker asks him why he doesn't go into dinner and the farmer says, since he tripped over the saw, it's no use going in. There won't be anything left.

Ben: (Ben sat in silence for a full ten seconds) That explains it. Why don't you turn back around, we'll go into the hospital and have them take a look at you?

Ed: The point is, if you f**k around when opportunity is starring you in the face, you miss it.

Ed: Certain people have difficulty admitting to emotional commitment because they fear failing in the long haul. The word love becomes a stumbling block that once uttered is like a lock, blocking off their privacy, their singleness, and obliging them to perceive themselves as one half of a couple.

Ben: Redbook?

Ed: No, I made it up. Maybe I should write an article.

Ben: Ed, did you get a bad piece of granola?

Loenstein: (responding to Tess's question about her marriage) The bottom line is, we're nuts about each other. That usually cuts through everything else. Tess: You're lucky. Lowenstein: I know. Even when I feel like pushing his head in the toilet, I know.